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The phenomenon of women penetrating their straight male partners is more popular than ever! Straight men are becoming to understand that it's OK for their female to play and penetrate their anus. Guys, it's OK, it DOESN'T mean you're gay! Not only does it feel good but studies show that most women are turned-on greatly by being allowed to 'play' with their husband/boyfriend's anus.
What’s with Anal Sex Anyway?
People love anal play because it feels great. While our society is rife with rumors that anal play is painful and damaging to our bodies, the truth is that butt sex can be healthy and extremely pleasurable. Our assholes are packed with nerve endings, and they’re the same kind of nerve endings found throughout our genitals: the ones that make other types of sex pleasurable. Anal penetration is also the only way to stimulate the prostate, the male equivalent of the G-spot. To find it, feel the front wall of the anus (toward your partner’s belly button). It’s about two to three inches inside, and it has a slightly crinkled texture that people compare to the surface of an almond. Some men can have orgasms from having their prostates stimulated.
If your man is hesitant to explore his butt, you may have to dispel some of the rumors he’s heard about anal sex. Let’s just address some of the common myths upfront:
• "It hurts!" Anal sex only hurts if you’re doing it incorrectly. The majority of us carry a lot of tension in our assholes--the same way we carry stress in our shoulders. Pain results when an object is forced through tight sphincter muscles, damaging the delicate anal tissues. If anal sex ever hurts, you should stop or take the stimulation back a notch. Remember--the key to anal pleasure is relaxation! (Please don’t ever use numbing creams for anal sex. Pain is a warning signal from our bodies that we should take seriously.)
• "It gives you hemorrhoids (and/or uncontrollable bowels)!" Most people find that when they start exploring butt play, their anal health improves. All muscles benefit from the increased circulation that results from exercise and relaxation.
• "It means you’re gay!" People of all genders and orientations enjoy anal play. We all have butts! Besides, it’s a myth that all gay men only have anal sex. In fact, the majority of gay men report that oral sex is their favorite sexual activity.
The Right Stuff
So what’s the "right way" to do anal sex? Each of these steps is crucial to happy butt sex. For all products mentioned in this article, click here >
1. Relax. Bend-over beginners need to learn to relax the sphincter muscles that ring the anal opening. Learning to relax these muscles can take time--especially after years of neglect or tension. Run your finger along the anus to relax it first. Gently insert lubed finger into the anus. Ask your partner to push out as if trying to have a bowel movement, and that will relax the outer sphincter enough to slip in a finger or butt toy. For more exercises on relaxation and strengthening PC muscles, check out Jack Morin’s indispensable bible of anal play, Anal Pleasure and Health.
2. Communicate. It’s important that the person being penetrated control the pace of play. Nothing should ever be forced or hurried in anal play, and partners should stay in close communication about what feels good--and what doesn’t.
3. Use lots of lube. Don’t skimp on lube! The fragile lining of the anus does not lubricate sufficiently for pleasurable anal sex. Add more lube than you think you need. Generously lube the anus and your toy, and reapply often. A thick lube like Maximus stays where you put it and can protect delicate anal tissues if you use enough.
4. Go slow. Especially at first, when your toy or finger first enters the anus, your partner will need some time to adjust to the sensation. Check in about what feels good. As he learns to relax his sphincter muscle he'll probably request more vigorous thrusting.
Saddle Up, Cowgirl!
Once you’ve both mastered the "ins and outs" of anal play, it’s time for action! Here’s a quick guide to harnesses, dildos, and other anal accoutrements. For all products mentioned in this article, click here >
• Harnesses. Terra Firma harnesses rate number one for stability and comfort. They’re also extremely versatile with interchangeable O rings which can accommodate different sized dildos. However, Terra Firmas are difficult to use with double-ended dildos. Try the Texas Two Strap for a simple harness that’s compatible with double dildos.
• Dildos. Many people prefer to start small with dildos for anal play. If you’re using a dildo by hand, make sure that it has a large base to keep it from disappearing into your honey’s butt. That same base allows you to use the dildo in a harness. Silk dildos are as smooth and silky as their name suggests. The smallest one is about the size of a finger. For a slightly bumpier ride, try one of the smaller Hot Rod dils. If you're using a dildo in a harness, choose one with a slight curve and strap it in so the curve points up, so it'll better stimulate his prostate. Willow’s curve makes it a great choice for boys who like prostate action, while the slightly larger and longer Mistress is the answer for people who have trouble with smaller dildos popping out.
• "What’s in it for me?" Besides seeing your sweetie writhing in ecstasy, you can double your own pleasure while wearing a harness by following one of these tips. Double dildos like the Nexus Jr. allow for both partners to be penetrated at once. The Bobbie Sue dildo accommodates a standard bullet vibrator which fits snug against the front of the harness, right near your clit. The ingenious Buzz Me Tender harness has pockets for vibrators near both the clit and the crotch. The Bend Over Beginner kit has it all: a plush harness with an included Zippy vibe, and two Silk dildos, in different sizes.
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